My parents are weird. When I asked my mom for permission for the "baking party" at Pia's house on Tuesday, she got her "loud and exasperated" expression on her face and said, "Wala ka talagang tigil, no?" She's irritated that I've been going out of the house at least twice every week. She and my dad think that letting their only daughter grow up to be a lacuachera is something positively damning, or something. All right, all right - too much is never a good thing, but this isn't too much! My mom knows that I'm trying to get as much time with my friends, because of the stuff I told her, but she doesn't understand that keeping busy the way I'm doing it is more about me than it is about being with my friends. When I'm out, when I'm busy doing something out of the house, I have no time to think, much less get depressed. I'm trying to avoid a repetition of the vegetable incident of 2000, so far I've been doing a good job. But if they cart me off to Cagayan for 3 weeks, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. I don't want to lose myself somewhere where I probably have nothing to come back to. If I go to Cagayan, avoiding the "vegetable disease" will be downright impossible. Everywhere I'll look, I'll see THEM, and I'll feel that aching sense of loss and being left behind. If I go there, there will be nothing left between me and my thoughts. I don't know if I'll be able to take that.

Graduation wasn't bad. I felt an unexplainable sense of sadness for the seniors though... I saw them and... I don't know. I just felt so... sad. Certain lines from the grad is ecchoing in my head.

"What does one say when there is too much to be said?"

Am not exactly sure if that's how it goes exactly... It was the only thing I caught of Claudia's speech, much to my annoyance HANDS had to be prepped. I think that it describes perfectly the feel of the moment though. What can you do when you're falling from a cliff already? Do you make attempts to cling to the walls, in hopes to climb back up? Or do you cling to those falling with you? Do you say everything there is to be said? Or do you just fall silent and pray that whoever already knows? Am I making sense here? Or am I just babbling incomprehensible nonsense?

But by far, these are the most haunting lines of last night. It's the last part of the first verse of the graduation song. It struck me.

"When friendship lasted more than a day
And looking in the mirror was so much easier"

Grabe...

Nabaliw na talaga ako...