* the bright one *
quiz blog
LJ
defunct lit blog
tabulas
More photos
trc02 ml
lnk ml
my lnk ml
debate ml
yearbook ml
team kilo ml
first unit ml
ddddeeeeee ml
arson ml
* twinkle *
| Powered by TagBoard Message Board |
* see my shining sky *
dude
icey
tara
lix
carla
regina
margie
ate mara
issa
chonki
steph oots
hana
bobs
angela
xine
chesca
trix
peep
arianne
sam
chantal
ericka
jules
fenina
minds
nikki
dad javie
anna
dani
balma
raph
eric
michiko
ate rita
klem
mich
mica
paul
rapao
irisa
lester
jo-anne
ach
glenn
jarryd
yla
olivia
monesca
patty
bobby
justin
bodi
maddy
katco
irish
jp
nona
university belt
plagiarist
one tree hill
queer eye
amazon
food
style
fanfiction
fiction press
wwe
nba
gamefaqs
go-gaia
friendster
myspace
hipster
* travelling light *
May 2002
June 2002
July 2002
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
* Wednesday, June 30 *
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL HAPPENED TO ME???
When did I turn into this? How did I turn into this?
I was looking through some of my old entries on my LJ, the ones I wrote in January. Comparing what I thought now to what I thought then, I was a lot happier then. I had better perspective. I was generally happy with myself and with my life [unlike now, but for what reason remains to be unclear]. Which brings us back to the question...
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL HAPPENED TO ME???
It startled me when I was looking through a survey I filled out about 2003. There was this question that asked what were the greatest things I did for other people; I answered some stuff, but in the end, I said "I'll do greater things in 2004." Well, guess what, 2004 is half over as of today, because tomorrow is the first day of the seventh month. Meaning that half a year as passed and I haven't done squat for anyone. I haven't done much for other people that I can be proud of. Gawd, I've become so selfish and so useless!
I'm no longer living with the passion I was so proud of. I'm generally busier. I'm doing more stuff. But I'm doing it all with less heart. How did I get here? Where did I start taking a different road? How have I made myself so not-happy?
Heraclitus said that everything is flux. Everything changes with every second that goes by. Things have changed so gradually that I'm looking at me now and I don't understand how I've changed so much. And I don't think for the better.
Miss Sugay says that "By the fruits of their labor they are known." Well, looking at myself now, I know that I haven't been changing for the better. I curse more. I'm less positive. I don't work as hard anymore. But mostly, I'm a lot less happy.
Where do I even begin to reverse this?
I'm really confused right now.
I want to talk to someone who knows me. But looking at who I've become, does anyone still know me? Can anyone recognize the person I've become? Lord, I hope so. Because there's no way I'll be able to start dealing with this by myself.
* Tuesday, June 29 *
Sagittarius
2. SiNGLE OR TAKEN?
taken - taken for granted!
3. iF TAKEN, BY WHO?
hah!
4. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SERiOUSLY HURT BY THE PERSON YOU LOVE/D?
let's not go here... i don't think i have the right to speak.
5. WHAT WOULD BE YOUR REASON iF YOU TURNED SUICIDAL?
not getting into ateneo or up
6. IS SUICIDE REALLY KILLING YOURSELF?
hmmm... it doesn't have to be literal right? i don't think i understood the question well.
7. PREFER COUNTRY OR CLASSiC?
classic
8. PREFER CUTE/iDiOT OR SMART/UGLY?
neither
9. ARE YOU IN A STABLE RELATiONSHiP WiTH YOUR BF/GF/CRUSH?
i don't have a bf/gf/crush
10. YOU'D EXPECT A TEXT MESSAGE USUALLY FROM:
mica.
11. HAVE A BEST FRIEND THAT iS iN THE OPPOSiTE GENDER? WHO?
yes. dude.
12. WHAT DO YOU LiKE DOiNG WHEN YOU`RE DEPRESSED?
i eat
13. CHEERFUL OR BORiNG?
cheerful
14. DESCRiBE A PERFECT DATE.
one with the One
15. EVER WONDERED WHY NOBODY KNOWS WHY THE SKY iS BLUE? WHAT DO YOU THiNK?
in 28 Days, Sandra Bullock said that the sky is blue because is reflecs the ocean, and the ocean is blue because it reflects the sky. Tautology.
16. EVER BEEN HURT BY LOVE?
this had to be question number 16... everyone has gotten hurt because of someone they love, whether or not it is agape or eros.
17. WiLL YOU EVER MAKE THE SAME MiSTAKE AGAiN?
what mistake? to love? of course.
18. EVER HATED ANYONE LiKE HELL?
hate is already a strong word...
19. DO YOU DO ANYTHiNG WHEN A PERSON BREAKS UP WiTH YOU AFTER ONE DAY?
never had to think about it. i guess i'd eat. yes, i'm a compulsive eater.
20. GiVE ONE WORD WiTH MORE THAN 2 SYLLABLES THAT BEST DESCRiBES WHAT YOU`RE FEELiNG NOW.
discontent
21. DO YOU BELiEVE iN YOURSELF?
not always.
22. EVER PHYSiCALLY HURT YOURSELF?
i'm a total klutz and i bruise like a peach. plus i lack common sense. so yeah. i hurt myself. i've even managed to wound myself with a fork while eating dinner once.
23. EVER VERBALLY HURT YOURSELF?
how do you verbally hurt yourself? like look in the mirror and just start saying stuff?
24. MOTTO iN LiFE.
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
25. HAVE YOU EVER DOUBTED THAT SOMETiMES?
i forget it sometimes, but i never stop believing in it.
26. HAVE YOU EVER HAD *EXTRA* FEELiNGS ABOUT A BEST FRiEND FROM THE OPPOSiTE GENDER?
hmmm... i don't think so. XDD
27. iF YES, WHAT DiD YOU DO ABOUT iT? iF NO, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
i'd make myself stop feeling that way.
28. iS FAME & MONEY THE MOST iMPORTANT THiNGS iN YOUR LiFE?
no. God, family and friends are.
29. DO YOU MAKE ANY MOVEMENTS OR SOUNDS WHEN YOU`RE SLEEPiNG?
i move around a lot, but i don't think i snore or talk in my sleep.
30. ARE YOU DiFFiCULT TO WAKE UP?
it depends.
31. HOW OFTEN DO YOU SLEEP?
um... at least 5 hours a day?
32. ARE YOU CONVENiENT WiTH THAT?
depende
33. LAST, HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE PERFECT?
i've thought life was perfect, yeah.
Latest indulgence: vanilla ice cream with Chips Ahoy
I want: to take a bath
Craving: peace
Obsessed with: reading
Last Movie Seen: The Martha Stewart Story
Flipping through: Visible Amazement by Gale Zoe Garnett
Song I'm Singing: the Pizza-Amore song
Current Project: supposedly schoolwork
Raph, I got "Limutin Mo Ako" from the Sunday Inquirer Magazine.
After an almost-six-month dry spell, I've finally written something again. Comment please.
Writer's Block 2
These are the words on my paper.
They no longer
work and play to
my strong and solid
soldier's beat.
Try as I might, I cannot
stop them from being
girlish and trite
and needy and
a little sad.
For this is what you
have reduced me to:
A sad
and needy
and trite
little girl.
* Saturday, June 26 *
For me and Juli:
Limutin Mo Ako
ni Mikael Co
Kung aking sasabihing
limutin mo ako, ang ibig kong sabihin,
huwag. Ang ibig kong sabihin,
masdan mo ang mga ibong nakadapo
sa kawad ng kuryente kung kumikirot and umaga
sa ulan ng nakaraang gabi, masdan
ang mumunting mga sapa ng putik
at tubig-ulang naiwan sa sugatang lansangan.
Dinggin: matalas ang huni
ng mga ibon, may hagupit
na umaalingawngaw sa bawat ugong
ng dumaraang sasakyan. Dinggin at isipin
kung nalulusak ba sa piling ng gunita
ang mga gabing hinaplos ng ulan ang mga palad nating
hinanap ang isa't isa, isipin
kung paano umaapaw sa panghihinayang
ang bawat buntong-hininga,
kung ang alaala ba ay parang ibong
kayang bugawin, parang tubig-ulang
kayang thangayin ng hangin. Kung aking sasabihing
limutin mo ako, hinihiling kong
tanggapin mong lilimutin din kita,
hinihiling kong maniwala kang
hindi kita maaalala
sa pagkirot ng umagang
pinagdurusahan ko rin.
* Thursday, June 24 *
1. I got into Yearbook Journ. Yay. Go me.
2. CSDC tomorrow. _Yay_ _first unit rocks_ ;p
3. Dance concert in Poveda on Saturday. Am going but most of the people I invited aren't. Si Dude lang ata. [Go Dude] Pero di rin sya sure. Weh.
4. Oi. I don't like him anymore. Truth. Are you reading this?
* Friday, June 18 *
Latest indulgence: chocolate McDip
I want: more time
Craving: brownies
Last Movie Seen: will watch My Sassy Girl later
Song I'm Singing: Real - Plumb
Current Project: a lot
Angel of the Day: Mica and Ach, for everything
Okay... Some things to note.
1. I'm the only one in the First Unit with short hair. What happened to all the short-haired people???
2. The world is not fair.
3. I'm not going to get into Yearbook Journ. Hello AGIC. :(
4. SMMS GA tomorrow. Need to borrow clothes from Kat. Am hoping they will fit me.
* Thursday, June 17 *
Latest indulgence: sleep
I want: to see... what other people see XDD *heehee*
Craving: some mysterious food... ewan.
Flipping through: matter
Song I'm Singing: Rainbow - Southborder
Current Project: supposedly studying
Angel of the Day: hmmm. today? si Ach siguro. Kahapon sina Raph, Jarryd, Mica, at Jeloi
Basta yun. Tamad lang ako mag-aral. Sumasaya na rin ako. :) *heehee*
Mica, easy lang, okay? Wag na mashado magalit. :) Pero mahal kita. Super. Alam mo na yun.
* Wednesday, June 16 *
* Thursday, June 10 *
I'm killing some time, before I go change and stuff. Meeting up with Mel and Jeloi (and maybe some other people pa) in Ali to go shopping for school supplies and to go get my picture for the UP forms taken.
Today is the last day of summer. Wow. The three months have gone by so fast. This summer was definitely the busiest I've had, and it definitely felt like the shortest. Gosh. Between LnK and review class, I didn't have much time for other activities. Unlike like last year when I had LnK, summer class and piano. But last year I didn't teach full-time, and last year I wasn't preparing for college entrance. :p
Like last summer though, I feel that I've grown up a lot in these past three months. From prom to today, I know I've undergone metamorphosis, even if subtle. I've gone through a lot. I've learned a lot, in the classroom and out, as teacher and student, as a teenager and also as a friend. I realize that I think I've changed without my knowing it, but maybe not for the better. But I generally think that I'm wiser now, so maybe I'll change back, or change for the better.
I've never been more aware of how time passes. I'm actually going through the process of growing up - not just growing older, but growing UP. I'm sixteen GOING ON SEVENTEEN. No matter how much I wish things would just STOP sometimes, that's never going to happen because time just keeps moving. And I have to move along to not get left behind.
I'm not exactly sure what the point of this post is.
I just wanted to say it out loud I guess.
Okay, enough of thinking. I gotta go shower and change. ;p
Let's dedicate a poem!!! :D
Anyway, this is dedicated to Tara. It reminded me of her kasi. :D
Penomenolohiya Mo ni Manny Gonzales
Sinubukan kong ipatanong sa piso
Ang mga sagot mong "hindi" at "oo."
Nalilito kasi ako -
Nais mo akong kausapin,
subalit wala ka naman imik.
Nais mo akong patawanin,
pero ang sakit naman ng mga punchline.
Nais mo akong lapitan,
hanggang mapagod ako sa paghabol.
Sa pagpitik ko ng piso,
Hinihintay ko ang paliwanag mo.
That was taken from Heights Senior's Folio Vol. 50, Issue 2. It was posted without permission from the author. I don't own it and I certainly did not write it. It is solely the property of the author.
This one naman is for me.
Jack in the Box by Valerie Ria C. Rivera
I hide in here
afraid
that the tears
I keep
would flow.
Inside my box,
darkness
embraces me
and silence
fills my soul.
But I must not show you this;
you should not know.
So I smile
and bounce gaily
each time you come
and open me.
Again, that was taken from Heights Senior's Folio Vol. 50, Issue 2. It was posted without permission from the author. I don't own it and I certainly did not write it. It is solely the property of the author.
* Wednesday, June 9 *
Last night is the last time I'm going to be bothered.
Today is the first time this week that I'm not pigging out.
Tomorrow is the first day of the end.
But today... I'm in between.
In other news... I'm so bored I'm actually watching Meteor Garden II. Go ahead, laugh. But it's actually very entertaining.
* Tuesday, June 8 *
Today I feel like I could be sane. :) Which is great. :) I'm in a good mood. Despite that it's almost noon, and I still haven't taken a bath; despite that the weather is ugly; despite that in less than a week, I'll be going to school.
Maybe there is hope for me. :D
Hey friends! I miss you na! Shout out, if ya love me! ;)
Oh, Lix, sorry I haven't been responding. It's so ironic that Friday's your last day of school, when Friday's the last day of my summer. XDD Have fun, sweetie! :D Hehe, don't worry about looking like a school girl - that's J-Pop chic! ;)
* Monday, June 7 *
But I don't know... After this summer, I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff. And the wind is ready to knock me off it. And I'm scared. Because I've never dealt well with change. But some things have changed already without me noticing. And so here I am. Not sure of anything at all.
And it's more than just about being in senior year and preparing for college. It's just... I can't describe it.
I guess I'll just leave with this song. It feels like me a little bit.
STANDING ON THE EDGE OF SUMMER - THURSDAY
In this room, I'm sitting by your side. It rains for hours and the phone is off its hook. Standing on the edge, casting lots to set me up before you knock me down, off the summer's edge and drown me. We're betting on our own lives, making up for all the time we lost. In this house of cards we're all holding hearts and spades (one breath, one step could knock it all down) but you lead with your eyes and you give it away (decide, design to cut from the clouds). When the people you love get lost in the shuffle, you let it go and then you fold. So we stay on the open road. We drive for hours and still no end in sight at all. Driving in your car, miss the stop sign, fall in love, just to get knocked out. Pull your punches and burn with your cigarettes. Pulled like a punch and burnt like a cigarette...forever.
* Sunday, June 6 *
I've got to stop feeling down, or I'll drive myself insane. Let's think happy thoughts! :D
Pasok na kami at Ateneo sa Monday... Pasok na MC at Claret sa Wednesday... Pasok na today ang UP... Matagal na pumapasok ang DLSU. Haay... Balik-aral na!
Senior year, here we go!
* Tuesday, June 1 *
blog templates
